Childbirth and becoming a parent are mind-blowing life-altering life experiences. So, when we decide to have another baby, I’m so happy that my husband now understands so many new things. Now that our daughter is now almost 7 months old, the hubs has now fully embraced his role as daddy. However, his “on the job training” was exhausting and sometimes frustrating for this already sleep deprived zombie-like new mommy. For any lady about to have a baby, these are the ten lessons I really wish my husband had known BEFORE I went into labor and definitely before we brought our baby home.
1. How to comfortably hold a newborn.
Take a class on how to care for a newborn. Go visit friends with a new baby. Make your husband hold the baby for an extended period of time. If this is your friend’s second (or third, or fourth) child, ask her if you can let your hubs change the baby’s diaper or give the baby a bath. Try to get some advanced baby care time for your spouse. Because when your child is born, your poor husband will be so afraid to do something wrong he may avoid the baby, which will leave you with a ton of extra work.
2. How to change a diaper
Once your spouse is comfortable holding a baby, then he needs to learn how to change a diaper so that there is no leakage. You need to do this too, but you’ll probably figure it out faster than he. So, both of you, need to become diaper change masters. Especially in the first few weeks when the diaper changes are so frequent, having a diaper changing partner will make your life so much easier. Take a class. Many of my friends found classes at their hospital and took them with their spouses. Best idea ever.
Once your spouse is comfortable holding a baby, then he needs to learn how to change a diaper so that there is no leakage. You need to do this too, but you’ll probably figure it out faster than he. So, both of you, need to become diaper change masters. Especially in the first few weeks when the diaper changes are so frequent, having a diaper changing partner will make your life so much easier. Take a class. Many of my friends found classes at their hospital and took them with their spouses. Best idea ever.
Once your spouse is comfortable holding a baby, then he needs to learn how to change a diaper so that there is no leakage. You need to do this too, but you’ll probably figure it out faster than he. So, both of you, need to become diaper change masters. Especially in the first few weeks when the diaper changes are so frequent, having a diaper changing partner will make your life so much easier. Take a class. Many of my friends found classes at their hospital and took them with their spouses. Best idea ever.
3. How to anticipate my needs
Now, I’m not talking about being psychic, but your spouse needs to know what needs to be done in the house and how to do those things the way you want them done. That means washing clothing, keeping the kitchen clean, picking up clutter, going grocery shopping, making sure there is toilet paper in the house. You know, those types of things. You will be surprised at what stresses you out when you first get home from the hospital. Do yourself a favor and make a list right now (before labor) of all the things you need your spouse to do while you’re recovering from childbirth and taking care of your newborn. Be explicit with this list, because your spouse may also be tired. So the more detail you can provide will limit possible error.
4. I was always right
Ok, I admit, this is horrible AND it’s absolutely necessary for the first few weeks. After having a baby, your hormones are whacky and you’re completely overwhelmed with the new responsibility of motherhood. You may be surprised that your patience level with your spouse dips into negative numbers from time to time. While you love him, you may not like him a whole lot. Look, he’s not going to like this request, but your life and his life (by association) will be much calmer and more peaceful if he just decides that for 12 weeks you are always right. The saying, “happy wife happy life” will never have more significance.
5. My level of exhaustion
I didn’t sleep the last 10-12 weeks of my pregnancy. I tried and failed because I either couldn’t get comfortable or had to go to the bathroom. I’m sure many women can relate. Then I had the baby. That was exhausting, but then my precious little angel needed me. She needed me every 2-3 hours to feed her. So, that’s what I did.
As a breastfeeding momma, my husband didn’t really ever feed our baby for the first few months, but I did need him to know how insanely exhausted I was. I needed him to know so he could handle everything else and treat me with kid gloves. He needed to say nice things to me, rub my shoulders, and make sure I ate because I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and filled with angst. I was wound so tightly that the slightest eye roll could send me into a fit of rage with him. Life was easier when he just followed suggestion #4.
6. His life changed forever
Being pregnant teaches you that your life is no longer all about you. If you’re lucky enough to have any pregnancy symptoms (morning sickness, all day sickness, uncontrollable saliva, nose bleeds, vomiting, dizziness, hemorrhoids, constipation, extreme exhaustion, etc…), you realize that your life has changed forever because there’s a little person in your body pulling all types of invisible strings that you just can’t see.
While you have your head in the toilet, your spouse’s life goes relatively unchanged. Sure, you’re less fun to be around and can’t do some of the fun stuff you used to, but his life is great. He’s about to be a dad. He’s got his job, his health, his video games, his golf, and whatever other hobbies he has. When that baby arrives in your home, he’ll start to realize that he just can’t play video games whenever he wants and that catching a 10 pm movie (or any movie) with you is out of the question right now. He’ll start to worry about life insurance and finances. He’ll go through all the worrying you went through after 40 weeks of pregnancy in about 4 weeks. Try to prepare him. He probably won’t listen to you or understand you, but try.
7. I’d been preparing for this day for 40 weeks
When your husband stares down at your little baby and asks you if you’re ready for this, you’ll need to calmly and loving look at him and let him know that you’ve been preparing for this for the last 40 weeks. You’ll explain to him that you tried to help him prepare for it too, but he wanted to [fill in the blank]. Pregnancy is like a check for ten million dollars written to him. He’s excited about it, but he can’t really do anything with it until it clears. The baby isn’t truly real to men until a doctor places that tiny little life in his arms. He’ll need some time to wrap his head around what just happened.
8. Breastfeeding requires consistent calories
You may not know this either, but breastfeeding makes you hungry. Starving. You’ll be hungrier than you’ve ever been. In the early weeks home with baby when you’re just sitting and nursing all. day. long. and your spouse is making ordering dinner, make sure he knows that you need 3 consistent meals at relatively the same time each day and you need snacks–lots of snacks–that you can eat with one hand. Going into the kitchen and finding nothing…when you’re nursing is not good (see #10).
9. Being a parent is new to me too
Both of you are new parents. Somehow, men see how “easily” women take to parenting and think we have some kind of parent gene. No luck Sherlock. We’re just as new to this whole parent thing as you guys. We just know that there’s no one else to do this job but us, so we might as well figure it out.
Most mothers are in a constant state of experimentation. If one thing doesn’t work, we’ll try something else until we solve why our little bundle of joy won’t stop crying. Women will go to great lengths to help their children, but we have NO clue what we’re doing. Granted, we have an idea, but we’re generally operating in the dark. We don’t know what baby cries mean on day one or even day 101. We just know that this little person depends on us to figure things out for them. So that’s what we do. We need you to do that too, and we need you to do it quickly because we don’t what our babies to suffer while you assume that what you did worked (even though our baby is still crying.). Note to self, if the baby is still crying, whatever you did …didn’t work.
10. I’m really not crazy
On multiple occasions, my husband has told me that he thought I was going crazy during the first few weeks after we brought our baby home. His easy-going wife who had it all under control was no longer easy going and some days I couldn’t control my appetite–let alone our household. Being a new mom is really hard work, and it takes us a little while to fully accept how much work it actually entails because we never imagined it would be THIS MUCH WORK. As we’re taking on our new role as mommies, we need you to take on your new roles as daddies and be true partners with us. Make your family a priority and BE with us in all of the chaos. You may not know what to do, but by asking the question, “how can I help?” you will earn our admiration and complete affection.
So, we’re not crazy, but because of the hormones, our lack of sleep, the angst, and sometimes our inability to count on you, we feel like we’re going crazy, and we may act like it too. Believe me. It passes, but by learning the 10 lessons above, you may experience less crazy and more appreciation and love from your wife.
Did you like this article? Share it with other mommies and new daddies you know. Moms, what would you have wanted your spouse to know BEFORE you brought your first baby home?
Help some new moms and leave a comment below with your wisdom.
