Expat Healthy Living

DIY Homestead Projects For Digital Nomads

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Please read my disclaimer for more info.

Being a digital nomad, for me, means that we drop anchor in a country for a few years and then we uproot and move to a new country. With our most recent move to Liberia, I’ve been on a DIY mission. I realized I was tired of exposing our growing kiddos to any host of chemicals and hormones housed within the everyday products we buy. And since we’re nomads/digital nomads/and just plain o’l move around a lot, it’s hard to find a natural brand that we can consistently buy no mater where we are in the world.

At some point, we run out and the brand we want just isn’t available or worse yet, we have to buy it from the US or Europe and wait for it to arrive. Meanwhile, we have to use whatever chemical du jour is available on the local market. See, the thing is, I like buying things on the local market, but I always want to know WHAT I’m buying, which is why DIYing is so exciting to me.

It allows me to buy half of my raw materials on the local market and use half of the things I packed with me to make inexpensive and healthy products for my family.

Now, I just told you that we literally change countries of residence every two to three years. It’s a lot. So, I do not create my own recipes for my DIY Homestead Projects but thanks to the internet, there are hundreds of websites and blogs dedicated to DIY Homestead recipes. So, today, I’ll share some of my favs.

1. DIY Laundry Detergent Pods

We have sensitive skin in this house and we live in Liberia. It’s hot and humid here so our clothes take a real beating. Sure, I can buy an imported bag of Tide for a gazillion dollars (only somewhat joking here). I could buy a local brand that’s cheaper but also harsher on the skin or I could just make my own.

After a little trial and error, I found The Krazy Coupon Lady. I LOVE her! She has a very detailed post that details exactly how to Make Your Own Laundry Detergent Pods and Save. This recipe has changed my life for a couple of reasons.

I only buy the raw materials to make the detergent. So I know EXACTLY what’s in my detergent. I use the same soap that we use for bathing (sensitive skin castile soap bars), and instead of using the washing powder she recommends, I substitute 2/3 organic borax and 1/3 baking soda for the washing powder. And the only reason I make that substitution is because I bought bags (BAGS!) of organic borax and baking soda with me. Use what you have.
The Krazy Coupon Lady’s diy laundry detergent pod recipe is good for one week of laundry for my family of four, which includes our two littles who love to run and play outside, tracking dirt and sand with them, and my husband and I who work out on the regular with all of the stinkies that accompany workout clothes. I use this recipe once a month and I quadruple it. Works like a charm.
I use my own essential oil combinations to freshen the funky socks and workout clothes that often need a little extra TLC at laundry time. My go-to scent combination is wild orange, lemon, and lavender. Knocks the funk out.

Oh, an I love these large gallon mason jars. They’re perfect for holding large amounts of stuff and since I’m one of those people who worries about the long-term of effects of exposure to plastics, I appreciate keeping my DIY products in a great glass container. I’ve made water and coconut water kefir and fermented veggies in these jars. They’re great.

2. DIY Eyeglass Cleaner

Now that 3 out of 4 of us wear glasses, we needed a go-to solution for keeping our specs clean. Since we live outside of the US right now, we don’t have the luxury of heading to Wal-mart or Target or CVS to get glass wipes and heaven forbid we scratch them by cleaning them with a t-shirt or a piece of paper, and bye bye sight. Plus, the idea of ordering eye glass cleaner from the US or Europe seemed a bit extravagant. So, again, I consulted Uncle Google, and found a great solution for our family.

Hello Nest, a blog that shares creative diy green cleaning solutions to keep your home tidy, safe, and environmentally friendly. I love it, AND my favorite DIY solution at Hello Nest is the post on How To Make Your Own Eyeglass cleaner.

All the materials are easily sourced anywhere. I keep rubbing alcohol in the house for first aid, thankfully clean water is plentiful, and dish soap. OMG! I love this recipe! I don’t have to see my daughter squinting to see through her finger print ridden glasses or worse, have her take them off to see. I can see. My husband can see and our glasses are always clean. Plus, it’s so easy. I don’t know why we’re just not all taught how to make our own diy eyeglass cleaner.

As a digital nomad, these simple diy solutions make SUCH a difference. They bring a level of comfort and dependability to an often uncomfortable experience. I may not be able to meal plan because I never know what vegetables will be available at the market, but I can make my own eyeglass cleaner. It’s the little things.

3. DIY Homemade Liquid Hand Soap

Over at Livesimply.me, I found an easy-peasy DIY Homemade Liquid Hand Soap. I love it because I have little kids and they wash their hands ALOT (at least we’re trying to teach them to do this), and knowing what they’re putting on their hands (and arms, and sometimes in their hair if they make a mess) is important.

Now, I know I’m generally anti-plastic AND I found these great plastic foaming liquid hand soap dispensers on Amazon. I put one in each bathroom and I just reuse them. Granted, they’re plastic but they allow me to help my kiddos conserve soap. If you have a little kids, you know everything is sometimes treated as a toy. So, with this hand soap dispenser, the soap is (generally) not one of the toys.

I love this Live Simply DIY Homemade Liquid Hand Soap recipe because I ADORE castile soap and and I find the oils she recommends to be nourishing to my hands. Plus, the essential oils she recommends are anti-microbial. So, the level of forethought she put into producing this recipe is wonderful and I truly appreciate the way she thinks through the ingredients she uses in her product recommendations. I know our hands are clean and even though I feel as if I wash my hands constantly, I don’t suffer from dry hands anymore.

4. DIY Furniture Polish

So, I never thought to MAKE furniture polish but I went to the store and looked at what’s actually IN furniture polish and I was truly disappointed. It’s just more chemicals. So, on a whim, I tried my hand at making my own DIY Furniture Polish. Thankfully, Google has not yet disappointed me and I found a simple (but really effective) recipe at Ablossominglife.com.

Never in my life did I think I could make something as seemingly complicated as a Homemade Furniture Polish – Easy Natural Recipe. I didn’t want to have to go buy anything that I didn’t already have in my house and this recipe fit the bill. All I needed was oil, vinegar, and some good smelling essential oils.

Now, when I clean the furniture, it smells just like I remember Pledge smelling as a kid without any of the chemical residue that I now know exist in many store-bought cleaning products.

For this recipe, I made one simple modification. I used twice as much vinegar. But other than that, I LOVE this easy recipe and I’m amazed at how well it polishes the wood in my house (and there is a lot!). Kudos to Ablossominglife.com for helping me make a great green cleaning product all the way in Liberia!

Next DIY Homesteading Projects

I’m a clean freak. I always want to make sure things are clean, especially when I’m using DIY products. I briefly dabbled with a bathroom cleaner but it wasn’t the right consistency and I wasn’t entirely sure my bathroom and the pee on the floor was getting really clean. So, as much as I’ve vowed to stop using store-bought cleaning products, I’m still using them in my bathrooms and to wash dishes.

So, the next time I post about DIY Homesteading, my goal is to find a recipe that I LOVE & TRUST for cleaning bathrooms as well as one that I feel gets my dishes squeaky clean. If you’re a DIY blogger or you have any suggestions, please leave a link in the comments and I’ll definitely check it out.

And if you try any of the DIY Homesteading projects I LOVE above, please leave a comment and click over to the creator of the recipe’s page and tell them how much you love THEIR DIY recipe and let them know I sent ya!

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8 Marriage Lessons For Digital Nomad Couples

By Nomad Mom

At Nomad Mom Life, I’m a mom (obviously) and a wife. We travel all over the world, but no matter how cool life seems, we still have regular people ‘life stuff’ to manage, like marriage and kids. No matter whether you’re living in the same small town you grew up in or you’re halfway across the world in a strange country, marriage is rough. After over 8 years of digital nomad travel AND marriage, here are 8 marriage lessons for digital nomad couples.

Here’s one caveat: We’re not experts. We’ve just been down many dark paths and had to climb our way back up and thought sharing some of our lessons may help other couples on their own journey.

Before I go into the nomad marriage lessons, I’m just going to add that being a digital nomad (for us) means we literally pack up our lives and move every two to three years. In fact, over the last 8 years, we’ve lived in 5 different countries (for periods ranging from 9 months to 3 years) and moved 8 separate times. For more than half of that time, add two kiddos to mix. So, there’s a lot of explaining when it comes to something as simple as where we live. I need you to understand that.

At any given point, there is a significant amount of stress in the mix. Got it? Awesome. So, given that context, let’s go into the nomad marriage lessons.

Lesson 1. Divide and conquer.

There are passports and visas that need renewing, work deadlines, kid stuff, house stuff, family stuff back home, bills to pay, money to save, etc. At any given time, there are a ton of things outstanding that desperately need our attention. Since both of us would lose our sh*t if we had do all of this on our own, we’ve had to learn to share the load. After years of burnout and frustration, we learned to divide and conquer our family administrative duties.

Does one person some times get the short stick and have WAY too many things to handle? Yes, that occasionally still happens. The cool thing now is that when we see one of us is struggling, the other one picks up the slack. We redistribute.

There’s much more of a partnership going on these days, and it leaves both of us feeling seen and appreciated, which is great for a marriage (even if there’s a tornado of chaos waiting for us). We know we can depend on each other in times of crisis (of which there are many) and we’re both willing to shoulder it; so neither of us has to do it alone.

Lesson 2. Define your end goals

You know, this may sound trite to many of you because of course, we all know couples need goals. But maybe we’re slow (and maybe others are too) because we didn’t implement this understanding for a long time. Knowing something and taking action are two different skill sets, and it literally took us years YEARS to sit down and create shared goals.

Sure, it’s cool to want to travel to Ghana or Spain. It’s awesome to want to hang out in Thailand, AND it’s important to know what goals you’re working toward as a couple and as individuals.

Like it or not, your individual goals are tied to your goals as a couple. Both of you are growing individually just as you’re growing as a couple. So, having saving goals, retirement goals, and even college saving goals puts your travel goals (the fun ones) into a different context and allows you to plan a little bit more thoroughly. When you start prioritizing your different goals—like debt reduction over some travel plans—BAM! life changes.

And sure, may be you don’t want to think this practical in a new relationship (it’s way more fun to take a weekend excursion to Morocco or Ghana) but if you want that new relationship to become a mature relationship (one that’s weathered a few tornados), define and align your goals.

Lesson 3. Accept your partner for who they are.

Alright ya’ll. Let’s get real. When you’re traveling with your spouse, you see ALL of them. There’s no hiding. After all, until you get settled in a new country, your spouse is the only person you know in the whole country — the whole country ya’ll.

So, you’re going to see some things. You’re going to get to know what your spouse is like when they’ve been traveling next to your screaming infant and busy toddler for 28 hours across 12 timezones in Economy….

Let that set in.

Economy with a screaming infant and busy (increasingly frustrated) toddler.

Alright?

Your spouse is not living their best life. They are not pretty, and [look in a mirror] neither are you.

Settled in your new home? You may see your spouse meltdown if they can’t find gainful employment after years of having reliable work.

Ever spend $2oo on a pair of shoes when you only wanted to spend $30? Oops! Blame it on the exchange rate and your spouse’s accidental math error.

If none of these scenarios resonate with you, try this one on for size.

Living in a new country for 9 months with a toddler and your spouse only to get pregnant and spend all day puking. Then, imagine your spouse tears some important ligaments in his leg and needs surgery (in country) while you singlehandedly try to take care of the toddler and the bedridden spouse (for 6-weeks) while simultaneously hunched over the toilet puking your heart out, in a country where you don’t know more than 100 words in the local language.

Unfortunately, this is not a fictional story. It really happened.

In those situations, you learn who you spouse is. They learn who you are. You recognize their buttons and you become increasingly aware of your own shortcomings and learn to forgive their mistakes because you see your own.

Lesson 4. Never shutdown conversation

Life is never boring and there will always be things to do, but a relationship is not a culmination of tasks that you do together.

A relationship is about connection, and part of that connection is conversation.

There will be things that piss you off and when you’re not running after an airplane or trying to pack for four people a few short hours before your 4am flight the next morning, it’s important to talk.

Talk about how you feel. Share what makes you want to pull your hair out. Consult with each other and determine what processes or structures you need to create to make life easier for each other.

Above all, never stop talking. When you stop talking, you stop connecting and being emotionally disconnected from the only person you may know in the whole country is draining and depressing.

Lesson 5. Say what you mean…

And mean what you say. When you open your mouth and say something to your partner (or to anyone for that matter) be ready and able to follow through in action on the words that come out of you mouth.

Live a life of integrity with your partner. If you say you’re going to do something, be ready to do. If you’re all bark and no bite, it’s hard to take you seriously.

This especially becomes important during discussions on finances and during arguments (which coincidentally often occur because of finances). So, if you make an ultimatum (and I don’t recommend it), be ready to follow through.

At the end of the day, saying what you mean and meaning what you say has everything to do with integrity and trust. These are basic virtues, but when life gets complicated (as it is want to do as a nomad), it’s of the utmost importance that you trust your spouse (and they trust you) to have each others’ backs.

Lesson 6. Everyone plays a role

Often, digital nomad couples have one spouse with traditional employment and the other is a trailing (or a tandem) spouse, accompanying the traditionally employed spouse from place to place.

In our marriage, I’m the tandem spouse and while I can often find (or make) work for myself sometimes I can’t. But my husband, from the beginning, refers to me as a professional. He knows my professional capabilities and he’s grateful that I’ve chosen to forego many of the professional accolades I could have pursued in the US to support his career and our family.

In his words, “We’re equal. We just play different roles. My role is no more important than yours and your role is no more important than mine. Together, we makes things work.”

And it’s true. When he’s home, he’s home and just as involved in household responsibilities as I am and when I’m working or have an obligation he supports me. When he’s working or he has work travel (even as a digital nomad he travels more for work), he knows I can handle our home and family.

Recognize the role your spouse plays to keep all the various parts of your life spinning. Know that just because a role isn’t traditionally seen as significant, doesn’t mean that it’s not important and valid.

Lesson 7. Be appreciative

Being a nomad couple isn’t easy. Whether you’ve got a traditional job, a remote job, a digital nomad business, or you’re a tandem spouse, this life of constant travel is a cycle of: packing, transit, move-in, unpacking, settling, friend making, move planning, and the packing starts all over again.

There will be tears, anger, fear, and huge amounts of discomfort.

Try to be appreciative of your spouse, because they’ve chosen to live this ‘break neck’ life with you. This also applies to them (appreciating) you.

There will be plenty of opportunities for negativity and it’s up to you to choose to appreciate and be supportive of your spouse. If you think this is true as a normal couple that NEVER moves, it’s even more important for the nomad couple, making a life on the move.

Appreciate the little things.

I remember being so angry with my spouse (for some random reason) and in that moment, I could appreciate that he was still here with me and willing to disagree. He was still sitting next to me willing to disagree and argue with me.

It’s not always fun, but knowing that you’ve got a partner willing to have difficult conversations is something to appreciate. Not every partner is willing. Find something, no matter how small to appreciate. The more you appreciate, the more you’ll find to appreciate. Coincidentally, the same is true for the stuff you complain about. Choose to focus on the things you appreciate.

Lesson 8. Own your choices

As with most relationship advice, lesson 8 is more about you than it is your relationship. But somehow maintaining a good sense of yourself positively supports your relationship.

When we talk about owning your choices, this can get deep.

As a tandem spouse, I went through long periods of resentment and frustration (which I directed) at my spouse because I wasn’t working and even though I was very busy with our little munckin kids, part of me missed being with adults and working on projects. Society doesn’t really put value in motherhood (which is crazy), and I started to feel “less than.”

You can imagine that this mindset isn’t too helpful inside a relationship. It creates conflict.

And it was only after this realization that I started looking at the choices that led me to the place of resentment and frustration where I found myself.

In my case, I had to own the following choices:

I chose to leave my job.
I chose to sell my house.
I chose to become a nomad spouse
I chose to move away from the US
I chose to start a family
I chose to stay home with my babies
I chose to listen to society’s skewed priorities
I chose to value income over the development of my kids
I chose to feel less than

The reality was: I had an amazing husband, wonderful kids who I loved to see and spend time with every day. I had an amazing life, and an opportunity to create whatever the F*CK I wanted!

When I fully FULLY acknowledged MY choices, I realized I could choose to make different choices. Just like I chose resentment and frustration, I could choose to view my life through a different lens. The only thing limiting me was me.

Granted, this epiphany didn’t happen immediately. It took a while (months) for me to really see the full extent to which I limited myself, but once I did…WOW! I immediately had more appreciation for my spouse. My mood shifted. Our relationship shifted. We were able to have vulnerable conversations and plan for our individual and joint futures.

All this happened when I owned my choices.

All you nomad couples out there, whether you’re in the military crisscrossing the country or you’re working private sector and living out of the country, what lessons have you learned about marriage, maintain strong relationships, and navigating this digital nomad world with your spouse?

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Store-Bought Juice Fasting For Beginners

By Nomad Mom

Disclosure: This post may contain affiliate links, meaning I get a commission if you decide to make a purchase through my links, at no cost to you. Please read my disclaimer for more info.

Juice fasting is not new but it’s definitely trendy with the health conscious. I wanted to give it a try, but making juice and only drinking juice seemed like too big of a commitment. As a beginner, I decided I’d go the store-bought juice fasting route for beginners.

So, I’m on day 4 of a 5 day juice fast and the few times I’ve shared that I’m doing this, I’ve consistently gotten the following comments/questions:

“Wow!”
“that seems hard.”
“don’t you get hungry?”
“why?”
“what kind of juice? where do you get it?”

Juice Fast Answers & Reflections

So, I thought maybe this journey may be interesting to others and while my journey isn’t perfect, hopefully this helps one of you.

Yes, “wow!” is right.

This has been a challenge. It’s a pretty substantial commitment to do a juice fast, but I believe people only do things for a reason, even if the reason is just because, “I wanna do it.”

I chose to do this because I realized I have an unhealthy addiction to sugar in all of her toxic (but so delicious) forms and I want to reprogram myself to avoid sugars and eventually, I also want to go vegan.

So, taking a break from mindless consumption, through juicing, was how I chose to take the first step.

“That seems hard. Don’t you get hungry?”

So, this has been more of a mental exercise than a physical one. Yes, I get hungry but then I drink water, tea, or one of my juices. I can also eat any of the raw fruits of veggies in the juices. However, I find that more and more often, I just miss chewing or I’m thirsty.

So many times I’ve wanted to go “grab a snack” and instead I grabbed a glass of water or had a cup of tea and I felt better.

It makes me wonder how often I used to eat when I really just needed hydration.

“Why a juice fast?”

Well, I kind of discussed that earlier but less sugar consumption and going vegan were two main drivers. I’m also getting older and I want to maximize my health and losing a couple of pounds in the process would be nice. 😉

On a more serious note, my big why is intentionality. I want to be more intentional about how I eat and how I buy and prepare foods for my family. That doesn’t mean buying vegan stuff at the store (although I will) but I want to also have less processed store brought things in the house. It’s a huge HUGE life change but it’s in alignment with also stopping our consumption of plastic (which is a whole different convo).

Side note: I currently have a taste for a juicy hamburger, and I’m in the process of finding a healthy (non-processed) vegan alternative that I can prepare this weekend.

Will I fall off the wagon? Most likely… but knowing makes it easier to choose to get back on, when (not if) I fall off.

“Why kind of juices?” “Where do you buy juices for your fast?”

So, here in good o’l Liberia there is a lovely African American yogi and massage therapist who prepares delicious locally sourced fruit and veggie juices. She seals them and delivers them to your door! ❤️❤️❤️ There are similar services in the US. This article on the 9 best juice cleanses to do in 2019 will give you plenty of options to choose from.

As for me, I drink six, 16-oz juices a day. This week they are a combination of the following blends:

Hibiscus and baobab — 𝐲𝐮𝐦
Coconut and sour sop — 𝐬𝐨 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝
Collard, fever leaf, lime, ginger, parsley — 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐝
Collard, fever leaf, lime, ginger, parsley, tomatoes, peppers and garlic —𝐡𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞, 𝐧𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐲, 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐡!
Coconut water –𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝
Pineapple, cucumber and basil –>𝐟𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞!
Collard greens, lime, fever leaf, cucumber, ginger 𝐬𝐩𝐢𝐜𝐲!
Tamarind, ginger, lime, honey and orange 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐛𝐚𝐝

Store-bought juice fasting vs. make-your-own juice fasting

Now, you can definitely make your own juices. We actually OWN a juicer. We have an older version of a Jack Lalannes. The thing is, as a juice fast beginner, it’s easy (really easy) to fall off the wagon, and having your juices waiting for me has been a huge blessing. I can just focus on not falling off the wagon (which can be a challenge). I don’t have to worry about buying all of the produce, washing, cutting, and juicing it and let’s not even talk about the clean up.

This is my first REAL juicing adventure. I’m a juice fast beginner and I know that removing as much of the complicating elements is the key to my success. So, for beginners, I recommend you buy the juices. Once you’re a pro at juice fasting, THEN up the challenge and make your own.

A quick glance at just Amazon and I found a number of amazing healthy juices that can be delivered to your door (if you’re living in the US). I also know in the US at Harris Teeter and Whole Foods, they sell individual sized bottled juices. If you’re not sure juicing is for you, try one of them. And if you’re outside of the US, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave a comment below if there are similar services in your country. Help a nomad out. Who knows, I may be in your country at some point and want to do a juice cleanse and detox.

Juice Fasting, Blood Sugar, and Health Considerations

One of the things that’s been really important to me over this journey has been keeping track of my blood sugar. Diabetes/hypoglycemia are dangerous, and I want to make sure I don’t jeopardize my health trying to be healthy.

So, every evening and every morning (and occasionally throughout the day) I check my blood sugar to make sure everything is normal.

If my numbers are ever wonky (and they haven’t been so far: knock on wood), I’d eat something. I’ve also minimized my exercise routine this week because exercise (even my 3-day yoga routine) requires energy.

So, this week has been (generally) a rest week, if you don’t count all of the normal non-exercise running around I do on a daily basis.

Biggest Lesson

My biggest Ah ha is that we need to eat for fuel not (always) for taste.

While I didn’t like the collard green, fever leaf, lime, ginger, parsley, tomato, pepper, and garlic juice, I drank it. It was so gross (like really), but it filled me up and allowed me to have the energy I needed for my day while maintaining my juice fast.

If you’re interested in making a change to your diet or just want to reset your digestive system, juice fasting (even for one day) is worth trying.

Hibiscus and baobab juice pictured. All bottles washed and returned for sanitizing and reuse.

If you have a juice fasting brand that you LOVE in the US or in any other country, help my fellow nomads (and me) find high quality juicing products around the world. Leave a comment with your favs!

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8 Practical Steps To Process Your Anger And Live A Fuller Life

By Nomad Mom

Not many of us are great about anger. We’re definitely not taught steps to process anger. And while many people can and do cry when things are sad, how do you process anger without looking angry?

As a mom, when a kid has a temper tantrum —whether at home or in public— it’s human nature to gently distract them and help prevent the next meltdown. If you’re a mom who lets their kid just have at it in a full blown tantrum at Target, more power to you. I’ve always been the tantrum prevention or tantrum interruption mom.

Kids can teach us a lot about emotions

Watching little kids have tantrums has taught me a few things about anger. Kids have tantrums when they’re sad, frustrated, angry, or just plain trying to get something they want. Think about it. Tantrums are this amazing physical demonstration of emotion.

There’s thrashing, biting, punching, and crying. I’ve even known moms to put those orange construction cones around their tantrum kid at the mall. (Look: I’ve seen it not done it). Anyway, these are all ways small kids innately express their feelings.

As we age though, we learn all of the social norms, none of which allow us to physically or even sometimes verbally express emotions with anything more than a calm but firm (not too firm) retort. Anything more than that and we’re seen as impolite or rude….or gasps…angry. No one wants to be seen as angry. But…

Everyone gets angry and frustrated

No one ever really learns how to process anger and frustration—beyond going to kickboxing classes or going to the gym. Heaven forbid you don’t have the time or interest in kickboxing or the gym, there are very few options for adults to safely and responsibility feel their feelings and process them. We’re never taught how to do this. What generally happens is that we’re taught to believe our feelings are bad or wrong. We’re taught to suppress them, but that’s not OK.

Unprocessed anger can make us sick

A quote attributed to the The Buddha states “You will not be punished for your anger — you will be punished by your anger.”

Feelings that aren’t processed, that aren’t handled dealt with and released find a way to leak into all areas of our lives. These types of feelings are what make us lash out at a friend or family member for something seemingly small and inconsequential. Unprocessed emotion can make us gain weight, stop dreaming, or find ourselves in a stagnant state unwilling to take risks. However it manifest, unprocessed emotions can have truly negative effects on our lives.

Feelings aren’t wrong, but actions can be…

When we think about feelings (like anger and frustration) that are uncomfortable and generally not socially acceptable, it’s easy to think that a feeling can be bad or wrong, but it’s just not true. It’s not wrong to be angry or to feel frustration; it is wrong to punch the person who triggered your anger and frustration. In the same way, it’s not the feeling of anger or frustration, it’s the chip on your shoulder that you carry at work or at home and the actions that you choose that get labeled bad/wrong.

So, whether you’re a mom, an employee, or a traveler in a foreign country, it’s ok to feel anger and frustration, but it’s important to learn how to process your feelings intentionally and with maturity. Here’s a few are 8 practical steps to process your anger and live a fuller life.

8 Practical Steps To Process Your Anger And Live A Fuller Life

1. Acknowledge the feeling

Anger is one of those things we either push down (and hope it disappears) or we lash out and say things we (sometimes) later regret. Now, whether you push it down or you weaponize it against people, you’re not being responsible with your anger and you’re not acknowledging it for what it is …an emotion. Emotions don’t require actions. You don’t need to squash your anger and you don’t need to lash out. Acknowledging the anger is enough. That looks like breathing through the emotion and just admitting (to yourself) that you’re p*ssed. You may not believe me, but sometimes just acknowledging your anger in the moment is enough.

2. Realize that timing is everything.

Acting out on your emotion—anger, sadness, frustration— isn’t always appropriate in the moment. Whether you’re dealing with a flight delay, a rude stranger, or a difficult parenting situation, a lot of times it’s just not appropriate to act out on the emotion.

But instead of pushing the emotion down and hoping it fades away, this is when you absolutely need to acknowledge it and let that emotion just be there — without acting on it— until you have an opportunity to intentionally handle the emotion.

3. Find the trigger.

Emotions just don’t materialize out of nothing. Know that something out in the world triggered your anger. Find it. For instance, it used to be really hard for my dear husband to travel with me. I’d get kinda b*tchy until I realized why.

Turns out, flight delays trigger my anger because they makes me feel out of control and insignificant. When I realized my trigger —not the flight delay but they feelings they produced— I started to understand how other things also triggered my anger/frustration. So now when people hold up a line or when my kids don’t listen, I can feel recognize and acknowledge my own feelings.

You need to find the trigger. See, the thing is when you know what the trigger is, in the future you can recognize the trigger and know what emotion it will produce in you. Then you can choose who you BE and how you react in the moment. You get to live intentionally not as a reaction to your feelings.

4. Choose your moment.

Not every moment is made better by your emotions. Choose your moments wisely. When trying to reschedule your flight back to the US at midnight in Beijing, using broken Chinese, is not the best time for anger. While it’s totally ok to BE angry, it’s not OK to express anger. This is one of those moments where you breathe deeply, acknowledge your frustration and anger and force patience and calm to come out of your mouth.

5. Release your anger.

Finally! You probably feel like you’ve been holding onto your emotions for like EVER waiting to release them. Now is the time!

First, find a quiet place where you can be private. Preferably, find a room where you can close your door. In bind, though, a parked car will work or an empty bathroom. I know that sounds weird, but the idea is to find a private place where you can be alone.

Next, I have three go-to ways to deal with anger. Don’t judge me, but when I was becoming a coach at Accomplishment Coaching, these were the three exercises that resonated most with me.

Disclaimer: These are just ideas for helping people process normal amounts of anger and frustration on their own. This is does not and should not replace professional help that only a mental health practitioner can provide.

Exercise #1. Slap It

Needed: Closed Door, Magazine/Legal Pad, Table, Blasting Music, Timer

Here’s what you do: Close the door. Blast some music. Set your timer for two minutes. Then take that magazine or legal pad (something at least 100 pages) and proceed to bang it on the nearest table, desk, dresser (something hard that won’t break) for the next two minutes.

No, I’m not nuts and neither are you.

But if you’re going to be intentional about your anger, this is like going to the gym. You’re going to look a little nuts. Think of it like an anger gym.

When you really slam that magazine onto that table and it makes that loud slap of a noice you’ll understand. It feels great. Just channel all of your anger. Think about all of the things that just pissed you off that day and release them with each slap of that magazine against the desk.

This is you being an adult. You’re in the privacy of your own space and you’re responsibly releasing your anger. You’re not yelling at anyone. You’re not lashing out physically or saying things you’ll regret or that could cause permanent harm.

Reps: When you first get started with an anger gym, commit to it for two weeks, once a day for 2 minutes a day. Most of us have a lot of pent up emotions and two weeks of daily anger gym is enough to start moving some of those emotions through our bodies. After the first two weeks, use this exercise as needed to intentionally process and release your anger.

Exercise #2: Pillow Scream

Needed: Closed Door, Pillow, Blasting Music, Timer

This exercise is even simpler than the last. Close your door, turn your music up loud, and set your time for two minutes. Then hold your pillow to your face and scream into it.

Yes. Scream into your pillow as loudly as you can for as long as you can. Stop. Catch your breath and repeat. Channel all of your anger and frustration into your scream. You’re using the pillow to muffle the scream so as not to frighten people within earshot.

It’s weird. I get it. We live in a world where being angry—screaming and banging things is weird— it’s just you, alone, in the privacy of your own space. Normal people don’t do things like that. Right? Well, normal people also hold onto anger, frustration, and sadness for years. What harm does THAT do?

Reps: Do this for two weeks too. Two minutes a day for two weeks. After that, just repeat as needed.

Exercise #3 : Passenger Seat Thump

Needed: Empty Parked Car and Car Keys

Finally, this is the simplest exercise of them all. We’ve all been at work and had a colleague (or a boss) who said or did something totally unexpected and out of line. After the shock, there’s usually frustration, anger, and maybe even some sadness. Not cool.

And honestly, it makes concentrating on the rest of the work day really hard. I know I’ve had moments professionally (sometimes personally) where I imagine the perfect comeback; it’s a verbal lashing that I would not ever actually deliver but ooooh! it feels so good to imagine.

Well, after we revisit the concept of choosing your moment and understanding the trigger, it’s important to release that anger. Being at work, Exercises 1&2 aren’t quite possible, since there’s no truly private place in the office.

So, take a break and go to your car. You can turn it on and blast some music or you can sit in silence. Sit in the driver’s seat or the passenger’s seat. Make a fist and punch the empty seat closest to you with the closest hand.

When sitting in the driver’s seat, it looks like you’re doing the thing when put your arm out to protect your passenger during an abrupt stop, except there’s no passenger, the car is not moving, and your punching the empty seat.

Reps: Honestly, this exercise always feels weird to me because cars have mirrors and generally parking lots have people. So, I may only do this one to three times, but that intentional act, alone, is enough to make me feel better and start the process of helping me release the emotion.

For more ideas on how to release your anger, check out this article on 7 Creative Ways To Express Hot Anger.

6. Forgiveness Is YOUR Inside Job.

Whatever your belief system, forgiveness is part of life. I’ll sit here and tell you that I’m still a work in progress around forgiveness, but I do know that it has nothing to do with the person I’m forgiving.

Forgiveness is each of our responsibilities because it allows us to move on with OUR lives and to release whatever energy you’re harboring toward another.

Once you’re able to process your anger, the next stop to living a fuller life is to forgive. Get all of the ick out of your system. You don’t have to forget the event, but you have to forgive it and stop identifying with the hurt.

7. Prioritize Anger Release

Prioritizing anger release means to not only be intentional and responsible about how you handle your anger but also consistent. You can’t just start being intentional and then stop. When you start intentional about your emotions, specifically your anger, you can’t stop.

We’ve said this before, but it’s like going to the gym. If you stop going to the gym, you’re going to plump right back up. Going to the anger gym is the same thing. Releasing your anger is a lifelong exercise. You have to keep releasing it or you’ll just get heavy with built up anger, causing relationships to suffer and your mood to shift for the worse. So, prioritize your emotional health just as you prioritize your physical health.

8. Set Powerful Boundaries for YOURself.

Of the 8 practical ways to process your anger and live a fuller life, this last one, number 8 may be the most important. While learning tools to effectively release your anger is extraordinarily practical and useful, learning to set powerful boundaries for yourself is a skill that helps to protect you from situations that may trigger unhelpful emotions.

For instance, if waiting in lines causes you to lose your cool, set boundaries for yourself to limit the amount of lines you have to encounter. That means, get to airports early. Sign up for programs that allow you to bypass lines, like Get Global Entry to avoid customs lines and if you can’t afford to upgrade to business class or first class, get to the airport early. Use online services for the DMV and print your tickets at home for your next event.

Simple boundaries allow you to effectively manage your triggers and hopefully have a more peaceful experience of people and situations.

Recap

So, first and foremost know your triggers. Next learn how to either avoid them or manage them in such a way that you can acknowledge your feelings and appropriately manage your responses. Then always release your anger and all emotions intentionally. The steps, individually, are helpful when dealing with emotion, practicing these 8 steps as a process can really shed new light and help us understand ourselves and our responses in healthy ways.

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