One day I woke up to discover–rather surprisingly–that my honeymoon was over. Not that vacation we took after our wedding, but the bright aura of hope and wonder I experienced with my husband after our wedding. One day I just woke up to find it missing. For the first few days, I thought maybe we were just going through a rough patch, but things would get better. But no, this was it. This was marriage. The one marriage secret no one tells you is that you have to own your marriage before someone (or something) else does.
There are so many distractions that can take you or your spouse out of your marriage. You don’t want that. So, own your marriage before somebody (or the video games, the iPad, or the latest headline) does.
I know you know what I’m talking about it. If marriage were a perpetual state of honeysuckles and butterflies everyone would be and stay married. It’s not like that though.
Figure out what went whacky
I realized that this is marriage. It’s real. It’s not always lovey-dovey rainbows and butterflies. I finally understood that even though my marriage may have some rough patches, it’s mine. I own it. Regardless of what my husband does or does not do. I own my marriage. That means I take responsibility for what’s going well AND what’s not so hot.
Whether you’re going through a rough patch (or trying to bridge a big gaping hole), it’s easier to weather the storm when you acknowledge that you’re responsible for what’s happening or not happening
Yes, you’re partially responsible for all of the things that aren’t going right. No, I’m not talking about abusive situations. When someone is abused, they are not responsible for it. They need help. In a healthy marriage though, each spouse is responsible even when you want to scream from the rooftop that you’re an innocent, and it’s all your spouse’s fault.
It doesn’t matter who’s right (or wrong).
You can be right or you can be married. It’s a great quote and made a wonderful book title. It’s completely true though. Being right is wonderful but what’s the good of being right all by yourself. Because honestly, that’s where you end up when you’re more concerned with being right than being connected.
Take responsibility and own it… ALL of it.
Now, I’m not saying you’re to blame. Please hear me. This is not about right or wrong here. It’s about opening your arms and saying I am a part of this marriage. If something is not working, then I’m partly responsible. Instead of waiting for your spouse to take responsibility–which may or may not happen right now–you own all of it. Here’s the kicker; own it with love.
Own your marriage with love. That doesn’t mean piling on more resentment, and it certainly doesn’t mean making yourself a martyr or acting like a poor defenseless victim (yep, I’ve flipped your card).
I know you know marriage is rarely a 50-50 game.
Want to know a secret?
Marriage should NEVER be a 50-50 game. It should be a 100-100 game. I’m learning that both my husband and I need to own our marriage 100%.
When I look out for him 100 percent, and he looks out for me 100%, we’ve got our bases covered because we’re both owning ourselves and each other. I know I can count on him to have my back. Now, it doesn’t always look like that in our marriage. Sometimes he’s pulling 100 percent, and I’m pulling less. Sometimes I’m shouldering 100 percent, and he’s owning less. It’s never going to be perfect. The perfection is in the attempt. The struggle to own our marriage, the good, the bad, and the ugly is what keeps us connected and in the game.
Do you agree or do you think I’m out in left field? Let me know in the comments below what your marriage look like if you owned 100 percent of it with love.